Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
