I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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