girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
