How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
