Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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