just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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