Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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