She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
