I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
