you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
