Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
