stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
