She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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