I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
