I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
