I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
