YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
