Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
