I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
