I just threw up on my dentist
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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