Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
