just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I need a beard to bite.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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