Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
