Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
