i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
