do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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