i already hear my dad disowning me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
