i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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