I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
