I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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