In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
