he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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