The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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