3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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