wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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