T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
