if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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