Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
