Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
