no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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