her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're a waste of cheezeits
Randomize
