Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
