He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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