I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
