Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
