Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
