Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
