I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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