I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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