Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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