I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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