she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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