dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
