So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
