hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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