I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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