Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
