we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
