Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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