is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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