You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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